This article was originally published January 2009 on www.wisdomforwomen.com (Author: Monica M. Deer)

I was given the opportunity some time ago to speak to a group of women about having an attitude of gratitude (hence the title of this article). As I started to prepare, I started by asking myself one basic question . . .What does it mean to be grateful? Gratitude is defined in Wikipedia as “the substance of a heart ready to show appreciation, or thankfulness.” It is not simply an emotion, which involves a pleasant feeling that we get when we receive a favor or benefit from someone else but it’s the combination of a state of being and an emotion. Although gratitude is something that anyone can experience, some people seem to feel grateful more often than others. People who tend to experience gratitude more frequently also tend to be happier, more helpful and forgiving, and less depressed than people who are less grateful.

 Ask yourself what am I thankful for?  It’s easy to be thankful when things are going well. No one has a problem being thankful when they are on top of the world, but what is your attitude when things aren’t going very well? Paul writes in Philippians 4:12 – “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. In whatever state you find yourself be ye content.”  What does it mean to have Contentment? Contentment is finding “happiness with one’s situation in life” – no matter what the situation!  Now I don’t know about you but I don’t always feel like being “happy” about the things that are going on in my life? When I have company coming to visit, have my meal menu planned and all of a sudden my stove goes on the fritz, I don’t really feel like being happy . . . or when I’ve had a relaxing vacation, we’re driving home and all of a sudden my 2 yr. old and 3 month old both start throwing up (in the car – 400 miles from home), that’s not really call for celebration . . . or when I’m standing in the hospital, looking down at my newborn baby, tubes going every direction, not being able to breath independently, having to lie in an incubator with no physical touch from the outside world – well, that’s not really a joyous occasion in my opinion.

 But, being thankful enables us to overcome our problems instead of being overcome by them. It allows us to look at the situation and not be overtaken by fear and hopelessness, but to know that something (or someONE greater is at work). I heard Oprah Winfrey make a statement about being grateful and it stuck with me. She said, “When you dwell on all the reasons you have to be grateful, you open yourself to receiving even more good - and more good comes to you. As you begin to feel abundant, you'll be willing and able to pass positive things on to others." Although I don’t agree with what Oprah says most of the time, I think Biblically speaking we call that philosophy reaping what you sow. If we choose to dwell on what bad things are going on then we only feel and experience the negative aspects of that situation. We cannot experience fear and gratitude at the same time. We cannot feel anger and gratitude in the same moment. And we cannot possibly feel resentment or jealousy when we view the situation from a place of gratitude.

 Recently, I asked several of my friends to email me what came to their mind when they thought of gratitude. My roommate in college, Stephanie, who lost her father to brain cancer told me this about gratitude. “When my dad was diagnosed with cancer, we all asked why us, why do we have to go through this horrible time?  But my dad said to all of us, why not us, what makes us better than any one else.  God knows us intimately and would not allow us to face this unless we could do it and we are going to go through it together.  That was so comforting even after he died.  We still go through it together as a family because why not us.”


Many times the “why me” attitude blocks our attitude of gratitude.  When we face a situation that is hard to deal with or that we don’t understand, instead of looking at it from a place of contentment we often face those situations with despair.  Now I’m not saying we have to be “happy” in every situation. We don’t even have to like them . . . but the scripture tells us to be CONTENT. Being content means knowing who is in control and who knows what is best for us – even when we don’t. It’s having an attitude of gratitude for the blessings that God gives us even when we can’t see those blessings for mess that is in front of us. 

I received an email several years ago and I never forgot the implications of this simple prayer of thanksgiving. Maybe you can look at it and see that it’s in our attitude of being grateful for what we have that helps us find that place of contentment and thankfulness – no matter what the situation:


Thankful Prayer

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes; we have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry; we have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds; they were so warm and comfortable last night.  I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom, complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory; they are so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly; it has served us faithfully for many years.  It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today.  It has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing, the lawn that needs raking; we all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door.  My kids are healthy and able to run and play.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says You have richly blessed my family.  I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.
Amen

This article was originally published in the March 2009 issue of www.wisdomforwomen.org

Written by: Monica Deer

Authentic: (ə-then-tik) noun – 3. Not false or imitation; 5. True to one's own personality, spirit, or character

 
For the past several days I have been reflecting on authenticity – who I am vs. who people think I am. It’s an interesting question!  I received a magazine, from a friend of mine, this week that included an interview with Darla Rakes – the Lead Pastor’s wife at Winston-Salem First Assembly.  In this interview she talked about being authentic, parts of which struck a chord within me. One question asked was:

 
 “Why do you think so many people, even church people, are afraid to be authentic and real?”

She answered, “They are afraid that if people know who they really are, then they won’t be accepted and won’t be loved. So, as Christians, they think they have to be perfect, instead of real and struggling.”


I can identify with this feeling greatly.  Growing up in a pastor’s home, I learned early on the difference between the face I put on around people vs. how I truly felt inside.  I learned that “appearance” was more important to people than reality (how many times did I hear “abstain from all APPEARANCE of evil”?) As I’ve gotten older I have struggled with how I feel and being honest with others about those feelings.  It has been difficult to cultivate true relationships with people, based on my authentic self, out of fear of being “found out.”  It is still a daily struggle to allow others access to the REAL me without the worry of whether or not I will be accepted or judged by them.  Maybe a lot of that anxiety comes from the inner struggles that I face or from feeling NOT good enough.  I’m not sure.  What I do know is that there are days that I feel like the worst wife, mother and friend that walks the earth and other, probably fewer, days that I feel on top of the world. But, do I share those negative thoughts and feelings with those around me?  Probably not on most days!

 
As Christians, I feel we have a responsibility to those around us, even to each other, to show who we really are.  I think it is up to us to show the world that as Christ-followers, we are not perfect . . . only forgiven. And it’s only by God’s grace and mercy that we will stand before Him as righteous.  How can we help each other on this journey we call life, if we don’t even know who the other truly is.  How can we be uplifting and encouraging to others if we don’t know there is a need there?
 

I challenge each of us --- and believe me when I say I am speaking foremost to ME --- to learn to share our authentic selves with others.  Be true to who you are and trust that others around you are facing the same struggles.  It’s so comforting when you find out that you are not alone in your daily walk and that, believe it or not, others are walking the same path.  And let’s not judge others based on just their “appearance” or their own struggles.  Scripture says in Proverbs 23:7 “as a [wo]man thinks in his/her heart, so is s/he . . .”  God only looks inside so why should we do any different.  Let’s walk this walk TOGETHER and know that in sharing ourselves we may also be helping ourselves by finding others to walk with us.

A couple weeks ago I was online checking my Facebook .(Yes, I admit that I am borderline addicted to keeping up with my almost 700 friends on Facebook, some on Twitter and I even read the every day inputs of several friends’ Blogs, but I digress) I was reading recent “status updates” on my friends when I came across one quote that has revolutionized my thinking.  The quote simply said:  “Something worse than fear . . . living with regret!” POW!  It hit me right in the chest. It wasn’t some profound statement from Confucius or Abraham Lincoln or even Dr. Phil. It wasn’t even an Ah-ha moment brought on by an emotional topic on Oprah.  It was a simple quote made by a wise women, friend and Life Coach, Janet Daughtry, but it is a simple sentence that has changed me forever! 

A fact about me, that most people do not know, is that I have struggled with fear and anxiety for most of my life. In the past, I have sought the help of counselors, doctors and even prayer partners to help me to try to overcome this one obstacle that I have dealt with for as long as I can remember.  I know the feeling of sitting on an airplane, with that nauseous feeling in the pit of your stomach, sweaty palms and racing heart waiting for take-off.  I also know the terror of an oncoming panic attack, during which you feel that you can’t get oxygen in or out, your body is tingly and numb all over and you feel like you’re going to die.  I’ve experienced it all.  I’ve used any means possible to try to alleviate my fears (from therapy to medication), but ONE simple statement has completely changed my view of life AND of the fear I have lived with for so long.

There have been times in my life that I have felt unable to make plans for trips or events because of the fear that would be associated with flying.  I have always been able to make up excuses to get out of situations that would cause me to develop these uncontrolled anxieties. But, over the past few days I have realized that it would be worse to live my life with regrets of what I wanted to do - what God wanted me to accomplish - based on the fears of what may happen, but honestly probably never will.  I have to believe that His ways are always higher than My ways and He is always in control.

Can I say that I will never experience fear again? No, I can’t.  Do I believe that there will never be a day that anxiety may creep in and cause those irrational feelings of death.  Probably not!  However,   I can say that I will not allow FEAR or ANXIETY to control my destiny, dictate who I am or hinder me from fulfilling the dreams that I have or the plans that God promised He has for me in Jeremiah 29:11. I will NOT live with the thing that is worse than fear itself . . . REGRET!